i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
