You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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