I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
