He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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