she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
