Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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