i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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