My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
