i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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