I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
