In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
