i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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