If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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