Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Randomize
