something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
soo... how was my night?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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