Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
