So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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