I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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