I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
