Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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