just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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