pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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