okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
