Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
