So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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