dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
