just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
