ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
