I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
