I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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