I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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