Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
