Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
