im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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