I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
