what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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