There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
