If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
