new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
