You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
