probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
