the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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