Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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