shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
it glows. i had to have it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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