Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
