The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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