I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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