I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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