lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
