I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
