Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
either way he was missing a nipple.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize