Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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