We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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