I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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