I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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