I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
