They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
