maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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