I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You made out with two different species that night
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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