When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize