Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
