it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize