I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
