Duck Duck Cougar?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Randomize
