Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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