She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
