Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
