when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
