At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
