the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
time to smoke my breakfast
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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