You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize