Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
