Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
