hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
