Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
