my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Randomize
