Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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