a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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