idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
