Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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