Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
