You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There's always time for handjobs
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize