i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
