i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
