well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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