Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
even my farts smell like vagina
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dear god my vagina.
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