The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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