I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
