Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize