I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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