there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
