my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize