Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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