The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
