If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize