For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I can't turn off my feet"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
