I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
