And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
