dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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