I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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