I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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