It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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