Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
