I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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